I'm There
by RaERz
Summary: A Carsan fan fic. Carter and Susan have just broken up, and are not sure that it was the best decision. Please Read and Review!


I'm There  
A Carsan Fan Fiction  
  
By: RaERz  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from ER. Although I wish I did. I also do not own the songs "I'm There" and "Don't Cry For Us" by Justincase.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
3:00 AM, January 31st  
  
Susan sighed. She sat in the hazily lit suture room with her elbow on the desk and her head in her hand, gazing down at the stack of charts she was reviewing. It was 3:00 AM; too late to be doing this. She had the graveyard shift, and there were absolutely no patients. Kerry had shoved a stack of charts to review on her since they were doing nothing at the moment. Susan detested the night shifts. There was never any work to do. Only an occasional drunk that would come in that needed suturing because he was DUI or got hit by a car. There was always too much time to sit around; too much time to let her thoughts take her over. She couldn't concentrate on her charts. Her mind was reeling, and the silence was unbearable. She kept recollecting a few nights ago: her conversation with Carter. Well. her breakup with Carter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Susan sighed as Abby and Gallant walked away.  
  
Susan: You know, Carter, she's really great.  
  
Carter: Who?  
  
Susan: Abby. I didn't think I'd like her but I do.  
  
[Pause]  
  
Susan: Kiss me.. Just. Kiss me.  
  
Carter acknowledged and leaned in, capturing her moist lips with his.  
  
Susan: Feel anything?  
  
Carter: It was nice.  
  
Susan: I didn't feel anything either. [Pause] You should tell her.  
  
Carter: Who? Tell her what?  
  
Susan: That you're madly in love with her and can't live a moment without her.  
  
Carter: (laughing) Really.  
  
Susan: You'll figure it out.  
  
Susan started to walk away.  
  
Carter: Friends?  
  
Susan: (laughing) No I hate you!  
  
Susan and Carter departed in separate ways.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She couldn't say she regretted the conversation. Actually, she didn't regret it at all. Since she came back, Carter had showed interest, but not as much as he had when he was a med student. For a moment she was at ease. Their first kiss on the hospital roof had been wonderful; everything she had imagined. She had waited so long, actually. When she was going out with Carter, she finally thought things were coming together in her life; she was happy. But only a few short weeks later, she noticed the same lust he had for Abby that she had experienced in the first days she was back. It seemed like Carter and Abby's relationship had been building for a while now, maybe years. Then that day in the seminar when Carter was enraged about Susan spending the night taking care of Mark when he spent days lusting after Abby. well. Susan didn't think it was right. So Susan decided they would be better off as friends anyway; the way they had started.  
Susan sighed again and lifted her head gently off of her hand a peered out the ice-covered window. She gazed at the snow that was lightly descending upon the ambulance bay. She loved the winter. It was her favorite time of year. She honestly thought snow was the most gorgeous thing in the world. She watched the slender flakes make their way towards the pavement, land, and melt. She hoped the snow would stick. That's part of the reason she moved back to Chicago: she missed the snow. Arizona was always a million degrees, and she hardly ever got snow. Of course, little Suzie was there. but she didn't want to think about that. Carter always loved the snow too. She remembered the snowball fights she would have with him when he was a med student. Flirtatious and exciting, she had loved them. There I go again, she thought, thinking about Carter. She knew they were never more than friends. She loved him like a brother. Well. sometimes more than a brother. He had supported her through so much, and she didn't know what she would have done if he hadn't been there for her.  
Susan tried to get back on her charts when a name on the chart popped out to her: Cheryl Brown. A sickening feeling hit the pit of her stomach. The trauma had come in a couple of hours ago. It was horrible.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Susan! We need you now! MVA! 2 adults and 2 children." Chuny shouted, throwing Susan a yellow trauma jacket. Susan pushed away from the desk and put on the jacket, following Chuny out the door.  
  
"ETA?" Susan asked.  
  
"Now!" Chuny responded. And with that the ambulance bay doors flew open and 2 gurneys came rolling in.  
  
"I'll take this one!" Susan shouted, running along next to the gurney. She saw Carter grab the gurney behind her. So he has the night shift too, Susan thought. "What do we got?" She shouted to no one in particular.  
  
Paramedic: MVA 2 adults 2 children. This is the mom. 39-year-old female, BP 120 over 40. Pulse ox 52. No breath sounds in either the right and left upper quadrants. Name is Cheryl.  
  
Susan: How much blood lost at the scene?  
  
Paramedic: About 3 liters. [Susan peers over Cheryl] Susan: Cheryl? Cheryl? Can you hear me? Lydia: No response to command. Glascow Coma Scale 7. Susan: Pupils equally dilated and in reactive. Push some tamponade and sucs now! Number eight ET tube! What's her BP?  
  
Haleh: Hold on, pulse ox is low, 82!  
  
Susan: Get me a blood pressure!  
  
Kerry: Chest tube tray!  
  
Susan: No, start a central line.  
  
Haleh: BP is 90/50!  
  
Kerry: Get me four units of O-neg, hang two on the rapid infuser.  
  
[Cut to Trauma 2 where Carter is working] Luka: Run in two units of O-neg. Hypotensive- he's responding to fluid resuscitation  
  
Carter: Roll him, let me see. Where's the foley?  
  
Luka: It's next! Conni: Pulse ox is 83.  
  
Carter: Give it a minute. Ten- blade! Let's move it people!  
  
[Cut back to Trauma 1] Susan: Get ready to bag her!  
  
Chen: Dr. Benton, we need you!  
  
Kerry: Hook up the thoraseal!  
  
Peter: I've got breath sounds.  
  
Chen: Carter's patient has got a bad renal lac. Peter: What's her pulse ox?  
  
Haleh: BP's down to 81  
  
Peter: You got another surgeon comin'?  
  
Kerry: Come on! Let's get her up to surgery!  
  
[Cut to OR 1] Romano: Still in V-fib.  
  
Lizzie: Charge to 30.  
  
Romano: Push an amp of epi.  
  
Lizzie: Clear!  
  
[She shocks her again]  
  
Romano: Nothing.  
  
Liz: Again, clear! Charge again, 100 of lidocaine. Clear! Romano: Lizzie. [Lizzie sighs and looks at her watch] Lizzie: Time of death, 1:57  
  
[Cut to OR 2]  
  
Luka: Asystole.  
  
Peter: Push an amp of atropine.  
  
Luka: When was the last epi?  
  
Kit: 4 minutes ago.  
  
Luka: Push another 7 milligrams now. Clear!  
  
Peter: Ok, that's it. We've done everything we can. Hold compressions. Luka: Time of death, 2:06.  
  
[Cut to Exam 1 where Haleh and Susan are taking care of the 2 kids, Robbie and Katie. Susan is wrapping Robbie's hand with gauze, as Haleh is calming down Katie]  
  
Katie: Where are my mom and dad? Can I see them?  
  
Susan: They're upstairs. The doctors are still working on them honey.  
  
Robbie: I wanna see them.  
  
Haleh: Do you want me to go check on them?  
  
Susan: That would be great, Haleh, thanks.  
  
[Lizzie comes in]  
  
Lizzie: Uh, Susan? Could I talk to you privately?  
  
Susan: Sure. [To Robbie & Katie] I'll be right back.  
  
[Lizzie and Susan step outside]  
  
Lizzie: Both parents are dead.  
  
Susan: Oh God.  
  
Lizzie: Do you want me to tell the children?  
  
Susan: No, I'll do it. What's going to happen to them?  
  
Lizzie: Well, we'll have to check for relatives. I hope there are some, because I don't want to call social services.  
  
[Susan re-enters the room and sits down]  
  
Susan: Um, Robbie and Katie? I have to tell you something. Your parents' injuries were very serious.  
  
Katie: (nods) The car was going really fast.  
  
Susan: Yeah. And, we tried everything we could to repair them. But, we couldn't get their hearts to start beating, and. they died.  
  
Robbie: Died?  
  
Katie: You mean like my hamster, Tunnels?  
  
Susan: Yeah, like that.  
  
Katie: But, but.  
  
Robbie: I wanna see them.  
  
Susan: Of course.  
  
[Susan leads the children upstairs to see their parents]  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Susan sighed again. It was the most horrible thing to see those children cry over their dead parents. Why do things like this have to happen? Susan thought. She again tried to focus on her charts, but couldn't. Too many horrible things had happened in that trauma. And that on top of her Carter situation, there was no way her mind was ever going to concentrate.  
  
3:46 AM  
  
Carter sighed as he walked through the halls of the ER. Lydia and Chuny were in the corner giggling, Luka and Peter were checking on the few patients they had, and the rest of the staff who got stuck with the graveyard shift was gathered around the admit desk playing poker. It was a horrible trauma, Cater recalled, how could something like that happen to 4 innocent people? And 2 of them kids? Carter shook his head and continued walking. He had a couple charts to sign off on, and he needed a quiet room. Heck, the whole ER was quiet, but he needed some time to himself. He toddled down the hall and saw that the suture room was rather dark. I'll just hide out in there, Carter thought to himself. He opened the door and crept inside.  
He almost yelped in surprise when he saw Susan sitting at the desk, sleeping on top of her charts. I'll just go somewhere else, he thought, turning to leave. Seeing Susan just added more problems to his already troubled life. He never knew how he felt about her. He had had a wicked crush on her as a med student, but when she left, he got over it. When she came back, they dated, but she broke up with him a few days ago because they agreed they had no chemistry. Although she had said they had no chemistry, Carter knew they had broke up because of his obsession with Abby. I guess he could call it that: an obsession. He didn't know how he felt about Abby either. Why was his life so complicated all the time? He thought he was in love with Abby, but then Susan came back and she was the same as she was when he was a med student: beautiful, funny, smart. All the qualities he had a crush on. I was happy with Susan. he thought, why did I let her go? Carter jumped out of his thoughts and realized he had been staring at Susan. Why do I always catch myself doing that. staring at Susan? He just found her so adorable, sleeping there. Her mouth was slightly open and her head was resting on the charts that lay on the desk.  
  
----------------  
  
You know that I'd give anything to watch you sleep  
  
I can picture you just lying there  
  
We don't need to say the words  
  
'cause they don't mean a thing  
  
You know you're not alone when someone cares  
  
----------------  
  
He smiled to himself, and toddled up to where she was sleeping. He took off his jacket and put it over her shoulders, being careful not wake her. He kissed her on the forehead and was about to head out when he heard her voice.  
"Carter?"  
Crap, he thought, I woke her up. "Shh. yeah Susan, it's me."  
"What are you doing?" She said, groggily, rubbing her eyes.  
"I just had some charts to review and I was looking for a quiet place to do it, and when I came in here I found you asleep I didn't want to wake you. You can go back to sleep. I'm sorry." Carter shrugged, turning to leave.  
"No, no. I'm glad you woke me. I have a lot of work to do. And. you could. stay. if you want. I'd be glad for the company." Susan said hesitantly.  
"Alright," Carter responded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to Susan. There was an awkward silence in the room as they each tried to focus on their charts. Susan suddenly broke the silence.  
"Look, Carter, I'm sorry about the other day-"  
"No, no, no. You were completely right. It's my fault, I'm sorry." Carter sighed. Inside he just wanted to claim his undying love for her right there on the spot, but he knew he couldn't. He had a chance with her and he blew it, all because he was a jealous ass and obsessed with Abby. He understood why she broke up with him. Who would want to go out with someone who was in love with someone else? Carter sighed.  
"It's just-" Susan began, but again was cut off.  
"You don't need to explain, Susan."  
"I know, but."  
"Susan!" Carter said, a little louder and harsher than he had wanted to. Susan just sat there and looked down at her hands.  
Is this how it's always going to be? Susan thought to herself. This breakup ruined our relationship. I thought we were friends. Why can't things go back to the way they used to be? Susan sighed.  
"I'm sorry for yelling," Carter apologized. I hate this, he thought, we can't even talk anymore like we used to. I really do love her. But I blew it.  
"It's okay," Susan said, "I understand." I really do love him. God, those eyes of his. They probe me so deeply. I wish they wouldn't. Why is he looking at me like that? Am I supposed to say something? All I want to do is jump up and kiss him. But I know I can't. He's in love with someone else. Susan thought.  
  
----------------  
  
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these  
  
It's hard to know just what to say  
  
And I'm just sitting here just asking myself why  
  
It's good to know you feel the same  
  
----------------  
  
They each went back to their chart reviews. As Susan went over the chart, she couldn't help but get teary-eyed. She had never, ever been one to cry. She was always the emotionally-strong-willed-girl. She almost never cried. Susan blinked back the tears. She didn't want to cry in front of Carter.  
Is she crying? Carter thought in disbelief. He could hear quiet sniffling across the room. He slowly got up and gingerly put his hand on her shoulder. She turned around and blinked at him, her face remotely splotchy. He looked at her with a look of deep concern, and he handed her a tissue.  
Before he could stop himself, Carter found himself wrapping her in his arms instinctively. She showed no resistance and sniffled into his shoulder. Neither of them said anything. They didn't have to. He rocked her back and forth, rubbing his hand on her back and soothing her.  
  
----------------  
  
And I believe  
  
I wanna be your everything  
  
And anything you need.  
  
Don't cry for us tonight  
  
Don't cry we'll be all right  
  
If I could I'd be by your side  
  
Don't cry for us.  
  
----------------  
  
I love this feeling, Susan thought, the feeling of being held in his arms. It just seems so natural; like the way it's supposed to be. My mind is saying no, he loves someone else, but my heart is jumping for joy. I wish we could just stay like this. Even if it's only a short while.  
I love the feeling of her in my arms, Carter thought. God, I would love to spend my life like this: with her here with me. All thoughts of Abby had completely left his mind. She seemed obsolete, unimportant. As Susan continued to cry into his shoulder, he saw Haleh approaching the door. She looked from him to Susan and as she was about to open the door, he motioned to her and shook his head vigorously. She seemed to understand, nodded, and left. Susan suddenly looked up at him. They stared at each other for a while, each caught in each other's gaze. Carter found himself instinctively moving towards her, and her doing the same, but just as their faces were about to connect, Susan pulled away.  
"I can't." She said, regretfully.  
"Susan."  
She looked at him for a while and saw in his eyes what she had been waiting for. As she gazed, she knew. She knew that Abby didn't mean anything to him anymore. She knew he was in love with her, not Abby; and she knew that she felt the same way for him. There was a giant green light flashing in her head and telling her to go. Again, she leaned in and Carter did the same and their lips met in a deep kiss. It was better than the kiss on the hospital roof. It was loving, passionate. This time, unlike all the others, they were swept away into a world where nothing existed, nothing but Carter and Susan.  
  
------------------------  
  
Built of steel, we may seem weak and rusted  
  
But in times like these we've always won and trusted  
  
In ourselves  
  
------------------------  
  
When they finally came back up for air after what seemed an eternity and a second at the same time, they smiled at each other.  
  
"Susan?" Carter questioned.  
  
"Mmmm?" Susan responded, still staring into his eyes.  
  
"I love you," Carter began, "and I'm stupid for not seeing it before. The whole Abby thing was a mistake and I'm sorry if I hurt you. I love you and I'm never letting you go again." Carter felt as if a gigantic weight had been lifted off of his chest.  
  
"I love you too, John," Susan said, smiling. They leaned in for another exploration of each other's mouths. Susan glanced at her watch. 5:57: They were off in 3 minutes.  
  
"Hey John?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"We're off in 3 minutes, you wanna go get something to eat?"  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
They grabbed their coats and walked hand in hand out the front doors. Randi, Haleh, and Jerry stood at the desk smirking.  
  
"I wonder what that was all about?" Randi said presumptuously.  
  
Haleh smiled. "They're back together again. And by the looks on their faces when I saw them in the suture room, it looks like for good."  
  
"That's great. They're adorable together. I said it from the beginning. But nobody believed me," Jerry protested. Haleh smacked him, laughing.  
  
------------------------  
  
It took so long for us to find out  
  
Where we went wrong  
  
But now there's no doubt  
  
We were untrue to the way that we felt  
  
I lost my pride when walking with you  
  
I saw a side that I never knew  
  
I didn't care 'cause I was with you  
  
I know that your love  
  
Is just like mine  
  
You save it and wait for  
  
That rainy day  
  
Look at the sky  
  
One time  
  
And you'll see it's pouring  
  
It's time  
  
You let me in  
  
In case you ever need someone like me  
  
I'm there  
  
------------------------  
  
The End 


End file.
